MAINTAINING A HEALTHY PERSPECTIVE IN THE SEARCH FOR A PRIVATE SCHOOL

Over the last few decades, Dallas has grown into a highly successful, internationally renowned city known for its leading edge, “we’re number one” philosophy. The city has benefited from this phenomenal growth and drive in many ways. However, there are some negative consequences of this success that can have a particularly dramatic impact on children. Our drive to win, succeed and be the best has been foisted upon the children – even very young children - in a way that is of concern. The following is a reflection on this issue…

It is absolutely understandable why a parent would feel anxious about the private school admissions process in Dallas. There are too few large private schools for the number of people seeking admission into them. An internal sense of panic can be felt. However, my concern is for the children and the end result of this “panic and anxiety” on them.

Too often, parents pursue the admissions process with preschool – grade 12 institutions with the notion that they are settled for 12+ years and won’t have to address this question again until college. However, statistics indicate that only 25% of students in Dallas graduate from the school in which they started as a young child.

To take this point one step further, there are MANY GOOD REASONS for a child to experience different schools in their career as a student! A new environment gives the child a totally new beginning. A new school gives a child a chance to make new friends, to “find himself” in a new setting, and to re-invent who he gets to be! If they are in the same environment and that is all they ever know they can get complacent. To illustrate, I recently spoke with someone whose son transferred from a small country school into a prominent large private school at the 8th grade level. At the end of the school he won three awards. THREE awards…new kid…new school! Was he so much “smarter” than the other students? I doubt it! I think the NEW environment spurred him on to do his best!

As director, I have an opportunity to talk with parents of children at many age levels. It is interesting to talk with parents whose children have been in their “dream school” for a few years. In several cases, it wasn’t the best choice for their child. In some cases it took only one year to realize this; in other cases, several years. Once that realization really sets in, however, their focus quickly turns to “how can I re-create for my child a school experience where my child feels success?” “My child needs to be in a nice school that is simply going to provide a caring learning environment – one that suits MY CHILD.” Their attention refocuses to their child’s happiness and sense of self.

A few things I’ve learned about young children and learning in my many years of work with very young children…

• There is an enormous difference between “learning” and “testing.”
In the educational process, the shift in focus is highly significant! Our
primary GOAL is for the children to love learning.

In the process of fostering their (natural) love of learning you:
• provide a rich and stimulating learning environment (give them something to learn about!)
• prepare children for their next level of learning by creating opportunities to learn. You can’t MAKE them learn; you can only provide opportunities in the environment so it is there for them to learn.
• provide in the environment exposure to all of the areas of development – language, gross and fine motor, cognitive, practical life, arts, science, math …etc. (all of the elements on the developmental checklist)
• make it FUN, enjoyable and successful for the children. You want the child’s first IMPRINT about school and learning to be a very positive one. This first imprint potentially sets the stage for their perception of school, learning, and themselves as a learner - for life.

When school and learning is approached in this way – something happens –
the children learn!

• ANXIETY BLOCKS LEARNING! Literally…with brain research they know that “learning” that takes place under pressure or in a state of anxiety goes into short-term memory AT BEST and results in no real learning.

In 30 years working in the field of early learning, I have consistently noticed – when parents place high expectations on their children’s performance and when the child feels pressure to do better – they do worse. The potential they ACTUALLY had is diminished. Their ability to think and solve problems, to be creative and to freely take in - is stunted. (There are some people who perform better under pressure, but I’ve not seen that in small children.)

You will find no greater advocate of the importance of early learning then me. However, it has ALWAYS been with the caveat that it must be a natural process, a part of the environment and given FREELY, without expectations. Just like you feed your child food, learning is food for the brain. No one demands of their child that they prove they are absorbing the nutrients in their food. No one would THINK of demanding they absorb MORE. You create an environment for assimilation and it happens! If the child has difficulty assimilating, you help solve that difficulty, but you would never think your child failed at nutrient absorption.

I think it is important to hold expectations of children to do their best – THEIR PERSONAL BEST. That BEST will vary between children - even in the same family – just as you vary from your sisters and brothers.

• Children learn at their own pace (sometimes it’s not the pace the adult would like, but please let it be OK!)

• What they do this year or next on the test probably has NO correlation to how they will do in two or five or seven years from now. If they don’t get into the “dream school” now – try again later.

• The private schools are in the difficult situation of having to choose from many qualified applicants. A placement on the waiting list or a letter of non-placement doesn’t mean your child is not bright and capable…it means they don’t have space for everyone now.

• Small children don’t need a school with all the bells and whistles. They need an environment that gives good, solid basic skills, and has teachers who inspire a love of learning and feelings of success in your little one.

• Every student in this school is not a good fit for some of the more popular schools in Dallas. Please don’t try to make a child fit where they don’t!

Go through the testing processes. Let your child know what will be going on…and RELAX. If YOU are anxious, YOUR CHILD WILL KNOW IT! If your child isn’t accepted, go through the review to find out if there were specific concerns, but let it be OK. If a child senses a parent is unhappy or disappointed, he will blame himself for making you sad. Or he may possibly feel he is not good enough

Stand back and look at the big picture. Have every confidence that YOUR child will grow to become a successful, happy, productive member of society and that he doesn’t have to get into a certain school in order for that to happen. It’s your love of, belief in and respect for your child as a valued person that sets the foundation for their future.